It’s me, hi, I’m the problem, it’s me
At tea time, everybody agrees
I’ll stare directly at the sun but never in the mirror
~Taylor Swift
Taylor swift captures a cultural norm that is rampant in leaders today. So many of our leaders and bosses seem to be staring the sun completely oblivious to the struggles issues that are surrounding the organization or even the very people they work with. I once worked for an aggressive and domineering leader who would causally make comments in meetings that “I am great leader” I am not a leader who micromanages anyone” which couldn’t have been more opposite to reality. It’s like this leader had been staring at the sun for years and never took a moment to look into a mirror and think carefully about his actions on the team.
I personally cringe whenever I have a boss that says they aren’t a micromanager, or this place is like a family, or my personal favorite, you can trust me. Most of us have been duped into believe a manager or a leader and later get burned by the total and complete fabrications. In my experience, leaders who say these things usually are the worst offenders. If I hear someone say something of this sort in a meeting or in an interview my first thought is this person has some major blindspots. I never met a leader who needs to make a point to tell me how they are so different from other leaders.
I don’t have a problem. At least, this is what I told myself as a leader. One of the greatest detriments of leadership is the lack of self-awareness, which is recognizing and understanding your emotions, mood swings, and inward motivations. The Jesuit community practiced self-awareness for centuries and esteemed it as one of their four leadership pillars. According to Chris Lowney, in his book Heroic Leadership, “Only those who know their weaknesses can deal with them or even hope to conquer them.” Leaders who are not self-aware will never fully recognize their weaknesses. Skills and attributes might temporarily impress followers, but leaders who are not self-aware eventually become their greatest enemy.
Leaders who are not self-aware have a problem of self-deception and are masters of lying and fooling themselves. People don’t leave great organizations; they leave incompetent, self-deceived leaders.
As Lowney again inputs
“All Leadership begins with self-leadership, and self-leadership begins with knowing oneself”
Self-deception is the destructive consequence of neglecting self-leadership. Leaders who are not self-aware become self-deceived, which creates blind spots. According to The Arbinger Institute, “Self-deception obscures the truth about ourselves, corrupts our view of others and our circumstances, and inhibits our ability to make wise and helpful decisions.”
Self-deception describes countless leaders today and plagues their ability to influence others. These leaders have self-destructive tendencies, inconsistencies in their character, and no clue how they come across to their followers. They can be classified as clueless leaders who have no idea that they have a problem. These leaders have succumbed to the dangerous cycle of self-deception stemming from a lack of self-awareness.
Self-awareness is one of the five core competencies that come from high levels of emotional intelligence. Self-awareness is one of the most important qualities when it comes to relationships. Self-aware people can address personal problems, learn from their mistakes, critically analyze how they come off to other people, and continually improve their leadership. Self-awareness is pertinent to the overall effectiveness of leadership. People have blind spots in almost every area of our life, including marriages, work, school, family, communication, and how they come across to other people. Everyone has blind spots and areas that they don’t see.
This is why leaders need people in their life who are willing to speak the truth. It takes courage because the truth is painfully necessary for developing your leadership. Before leading others, leaders must do the hard work of leading themselves. Self-Awareness is the quickest path to growth, while self-deception sabotages influence. Nobody likes an inconsistent leader, oblivious to how their actions are perceived. Self-awareness is the beginning of effective leadership. Leaders serious about developing their leadership should seek to know themselves, which requires the insight of trusted people in your life. Becoming more self-aware will create healthier and effective leadership that will influence people for the long haul. This is the potential that self-awareness can bring to your leadership.
How do you grow and develop self awareness as a leader?
It begins with realizing you have a problem. You have to be able to admit you have weakness and blind spots that you aren’t aware of at this very moment. Some of us have a favorite mirror that is dark and projects an image we really like, rarely do we like looking into a bright mirror that exposes our flaws and scars. This type of self-awareness is a painful process and why so many leaders chose to remind blind. It’s a painful practice to be vulnerable and see you flaws, scars, and shortcomings as a leader. It begins with knowing you don’t have all the answers and you need to grow. This is the beginning of wisdom in leadership.
A second step is finding close people in your life to speak into the areas and blindspots that they have seen. This is incredibly vulnerable and requires discernment and careful attention to the kind of people you let speak into your life. They should be people you have built trust with, they should be people who are invested into your best, and people who have the ability to be honest. Often the mistake is made when we ask people we lead who have little to no choice to tell us exactly what we want to hear. We need people who don’t sugarcoat the truth, but tell us honestly and lovingly the areas we need to address and develop.
Finally, this type of self-awareness will be painful and may even cause a type of spire or trigger imposter syndrome. So many people fall into the never ending pressure of being a leader is always being competent, confident, and having all the answers. This isn’t true but accounts so much toxicity in leadership and the rampant nature of blind spots and total lack of awareness for so many leaders. Pride is a devastating vice in leadership that will keep leaders blind to their struggles and the devastating consequences of their unchecked blindspots. I really believe leaders when they tell me their organization is like a family or how they don’t micromanage anybody because that’s how much they trust their people. This tells me they have blindspots and are unwilling to do the hard work of uncovering those.